Se'udas Havra'ah

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Meoros HaDaf HaYomi

Our Gemora recounts that Yaakov Avinu prepared the stew, with which he bought his brother’s firstborn rights, for Yitzchak to comfort him after Avraham’s demise.

The commentaries (see Rashi, Bereshis 25:30) explain that he brought the lentils as a se’udas havra’ah (recuperation meal) given to a mourner coming from burying his relative and the poskim learnt important halachos about this meal from our Gemora.

The Gemora in Moed Katan (27b) decides that a mourner must eat the “bread” of others at this first meal, not his own, and Shulchan ‘Aruch rules accordingly (Y.D. 378:1).

Does “bread” mean any food or is the term restricted to actual bread alone? Chochmas Shlomo and ‘Aroch HaShulchan (Y.D. 378) hold that a mourner may eat his own food aside from bread but Shevet Yehudah (378) and the Chida (Yafeh LaLev, VIII, 378) assert that he must eat nothing of his own and Kitzur Shulchan Aruch maintains that he must not even drink his own coffee.

Why is a mourner forbidden to eat his own food at the se’udas havra’ah?

According to Divrei Soferim (25:23), the above difference of opinions depends on the reason for the Talmudic regulation that a mourner must not eat his own food for his first meal. The Rosh, cited in Beis Yosef (Y.D., ibid), holds that a mourner is so despondent that he neglects to care for himself. Chazal therefore decreed that he must not prepare his first meal, causing others to bring him food and comfort him (Responsa Igros Moshe, Y.D. II, 168).

Shevet Yehudah, though, maintains that Chazal wanted to prevent a mourner from eating a full meal and neglect his mourning and therefore limited him to eating what others bring, assuming their contributions would not be excessive. Hence, Shevet Yehudah forbade a mourner to eat anything of his own, avoiding any possibility of his eating a full meal.

The Acharonim (Divrei Soferim, ibid, 27) emphasize the Tur, who quotes our sugya that the meal is intended to “comfort the mourner” – i.e., to hearten him but not to prevent his overeating.

The Rosh (Moed Katan, Ch. 3, §84) adds that a husband must not serve his wife a se’udas havra’ah for two reasons. Being that he must support her as her husband, she acquires the food he serves her and it is not regarded as another’s. Moreover, they always eat together and the food would not appear as if brought by others.

May a son supported by his father bring him a se’udas havra’ah from his own (the son’s) food? According to the first reason he may do so as the food does not belong to his father. Worrying about appearances (maris ‘ayin), though, the son must not, as anyone who knows that his father supports him and sees him serving is sure the food is his fathers.

The Acharonim prove, once again from our sugya, that the first reason of the Rosh forbidding a husband to serve se’udas havra’ah is halachically valid: Yaakov was supported by Yitzchak yet he brought him the stew which, as mentioned, was a se’udas havra’ah (Ruach Chayim by HaGaon Rav Chayim Falaji, 378).

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A Partial Day is Regarded as an Entire Day

We have learned in the following braisa (Daf Yomi: Nazir 15a): One who buried his dead three days prior to the festival, the decree regarding the seven days of mourning are cancelled. One who buried his dead eight days prior to the festival, the decree regarding the thirty days of mourning are cancelled. He may take a haircut on the eve of the festival; if he did not, he is forbidden from taking a haircut after the festival. Abba Shaul disagrees and holds that he would nevertheless be permitted to take a haircut after the festival since in the same manner that three days of mourning prior to the festival cancels completely the seven days of mourning, seven days of mourning prior to the festival cancels completely the thirty days of mourning.

What is Abba Shaul’s reason? Is it not because he maintains that part of the day is like the entire day and the seventh day counts for the last day of shiva (seven days of mourning) and for the first day of the sheloshim (thirty days of mourning).

The Gemora asks that perhaps Abba Shaul only ruled in this manner by the halachos of shiva, which is only Rabbinical, but with respect to a nazir, where his halachos are of Biblical origin, he would not rule this way (that one day can be counted as two).

*** Tosfos (Moed Katan 19b) cites Harav Yom Tov that since we have established that part of the seventh day counts for the last day of shiva (seven days of mourning) and for the first day of the sheloshim (thirty days of mourning), a mourner would be permitted to take a haircut on the twenty-ninth day, since the seventh day counts as two days. He then cites a dissenting opinion that with respect to the halachos of sheloshim, we do not rule that the seventh day counts as two days.

*** Reb Elchonon Wasserman in Koveitz Heoros (39:3) explains the dispute between the Tanna Kamma and Abba Shaul in the following manner: Abba Shaul holds that a partial day is regarded as a full day, and therefore a day can be split into two, and it may be counted as two days. The Tanna Kamma, however, holds that one who has observed the halachos of the day can be regarded as if he observed them for the entire day, but the day itself cannot be regarded as two days.

*** The Rosh holds that this halacha that part of the day is like the entire day is even applicable at night. If one observed the halachos of mourning on the night of the seventh day, it should be regarded as if he observed them the entire day. He cites a Rashbam, who says that the custom is for the mourning period to conclude by day. The Rosh does not understand the reason for this.

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Food for Thought - Kesuvos 4 - Daf Yomi

The Gemora cites the following braisa: One whose bread was already baked, his animals were slaughtered, his wine was diluted in preparation for the wedding meal (all these items would spoil if the wedding would be delayed significantly), and the father of the groom or the mother of the bride died, the law is the following: We move the corpse to a room and we bring the groom and the bride to the chupah. (After burial, there would be a seven-day mourning period, in which they would be prohibited to marry.) He then would perform his dutiful marital act with his bride, and then he separates from her. (Immediately afterwards, the burial would take place.) They then observe seven days of the wedding feast, and afterwards, he observes the seven days of mourning. During all those (all fourteen) days, the groom should sleep among all the men, and the bride should sleep among the women (in order that they shouldn’t cohabit with each other; a mourner is forbidden to engage in cohabitation during the shivah days). We do not withhold ornaments for the bride all thirty days. (This is the case that the braisa is referring to; if the father of the groom or the mother of the bride died on a Monday, the marriage takes place immediately.)

*** The reason that we do not postpone the wedding is because otherwise, all the food will be lost. What is the reason that the Rabbis allowed the initial cohabitation? He should be regarded as an onein (one whose close relative has died and has not been buried yet), and the cohabitation should be Biblically prohibited?

*** Why is the initial marital act referred to as a mitzvah-cohabitation? The Chasam Sofer adds: A woman cannot become pregnant from her first act of cohabitation; if anything the second act should be regarded as the mitzvah-cohabitation?

*** During all those (all fourteen) days, the groom should sleep among all the men, and the bride should sleep among the women. How many men are required? How many women are required?

*** The Rambam writes that the thirty days of mourning begin after the seven days of the wedding feast. Why can’t the seven days of the wedding feast be included in the thirty days? This should be similar to the law that the days of the festival are included in the thirty days.

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Daf Yomi - Yevamos 22 - A CONVERT WHO CONVERTS

The Gemora states: A convert who converts is regarded as a newborn baby (and thus has no pre-existing family relationships).

Why does it say “a convert who converts,” wouldn’t it be more correct by saying “a gentile who converts”? He is not a convert until he actually converts.

Margaliyos HaShas quotes from a sefer: At the time that the entire Jewish Nation was standing by Har Sinai to receive the Torah, the souls of all the future proselytes were there, as well. Some converted immediately and others took a long time, but they were all there.

This is the explanation: A convert, one whose soul was present by Har Sinai when the Jewish people received the Torah, and is now converting, is regarded as a newborn baby.

[Interesting readings relevant to converts:

http://rchaimqoton.blogspot.com/2006/06/understanding-proselytes.html

http://hirhurim.blogspot.com/2006/09/convert-in-mourning.html

What brocha does a ger recite in the morning?

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Daf Yomi - Moed Katan 29 - A Letter of Consolation

I found this letter from Rav Shlomo Wolbe and thought that it was worthy of sharing.

shemayisrael

COMFORTING THE MOURNERS
A Letter of Consolation
(QUOTED BY RAV SHLOMO WOLBE, ALEY SHUR)
To my dear and beloved sons and daughters,

The purpose of this letter is to console you for when I will not be with you anymore. A person does not know when his time will be up, but the day will come (May Hashem bless me with long life) when my place at home will be empty, and you will be orphans.

My beloved, I have seen many orphans, most of whom find themselves in darkness without hope. Some are jealous, thinking, "Others have parents, but not me." Others feel that their world has tumbled down. Few are able to strengthen and brace themselves and to eventually elevate themselves after the tragedy in their lives. I therefore came to the conclusion that before one can comfort a mourner, it is essential to teach him how to deal with the situation. I hope I succeed in this endeavor, and may you understand these words so that they illuminate your lives.

The key to the mystery of life is faith in the true G-d, the Creator of the Universe! It is G-d's power that keeps the world going, even each and every blade of grass derives its sustenance from the Creator and surely each human being. This spirit of life is the essence of everything, and the most important part of a person is his spirit and soul.

I trust that I have raised you to have faith in G-d. I now encourage you to strengthen your faith and to realize that this is also the secret to the mystery of death! If life would be over for a dead person, it would be difficult to comfort a mourner. But that is not so! Although the body passes away, the person continues to exist!

Our great teacher (Rav Yeruchem Levovitz of Mir) wrote: "Death should be understood as one who moves from one city to another. This is the real truth. Your father has not died, may his memory be blessed, for he is alive. He has merely moved. To the understanding person there is even more to say. The deceased is now even closer to you than before for now there are no separations."

One who has faith is able to deal with the concept of death. The truth is that the deceased is alive! He is aware of everything, and he is close to his relatives at all times!

However, I realize that you will still be bothered by his seeming absence. Children are accustomed to seeing their parents, asking for advice and being helped. Even after they move away from home they rely on and know that they can always turn to their parents. Who can fill this void?

But, think it over, my beloved ones. If you really loved me when I was with you, and if your love was not just superficial, you can always picture me in front of your eyes. You will know what I would have said and how I would have advised you. As an example, we see what our Sages say about Yosef Hatzadik; that he withstood temptation because of the vision of his father before his eyes.

Use the vision of your father to give you strength and encouragement. Keep in mind: The essence of a person is the spiritual, and that part continues to live!
Another point. All people feel an urge to come closer to mitzvos and good deeds at a time of mourning. Even those who were non-observant come to say Kaddish, they put on a tallis and tefillin and pray. What is the reason for this?

There is a deep reason. Our Sages teach that there are three partners to every human being: his father, his mother and the Holy One, Blessed be He. A child is used to seeing only his father and mother. The third partner is invisible to him. However, when the physical partners leave this world, there is an inner feeling in the person that pushes him closer to the third partner.

One whose faith is strong tells this in a concrete way: "My father and mother (may) have left me but Hashem is always there."

The truth is: The physical parent was merely a messenger from the Heavenly Father. Now that the physical father's job is over the child's relationship to his Heavenly Father becomes stronger.

This is the most important message to bear in mind, for all people at any age: to strengthen one's faith, to sense Hashem's Providence, to realize how Hashem guides and leads a person daily and provides all his physical and spiritual needs. You will not lack anything if you keep your faith strong!

Through faith one will be consoled. Normally, a person is surrounded by his family, his teachers, his friends-all of them help him to maintain his life properly. However, when a relative passes away, may Hashem spare us, one of the supports has been removed.

The process of Nichum Aveilim to comfort the mourners, is to help replace the missing support, to raise his spirits and to help him continue.

Now my beloved ones, come closer to each other, help and encourage each other; your friendship should be wholesome, faithful, amidst the love of Torah and of those who study Torah. Always be willing to learn and improve. Hashem will surely comfort you and help you continue . . . Be strong in emunah (faith) and in Torah, build for yourselves loyal homes with the aim of fulfilling Hashem's mitzvos. Your actions shall then serve to benefit me, as our Sages say: When one's children observe the mitzvos it is considered as if the father has not passed away. This is my advice and last request of you.

My Beloved Ones: Have faith and your faith will be fulfilled, and may your lives be successful forever!

With love,

Your father
"And the day of death (is better) than the day of one's birth." (Ecclesiastes VII, 1)
To what can this be compared? To two ships that were in the ocean laden with merchandise. One ship was coming to port, the other was leaving. People were praising the ship coming into port. Others stood by amazed and said, "Why are you praising this ship and not the other?" In reply they said to them, "We are praising the incoming ship since we know this ship has departed in peace and arrived at its destination in peace. But what the future will bring to the ship that has just begun its journey we do not know. "So it is with a person who is born: we do not know the nature of his future deeds. But when he leaves this world we know the nature of his deeds. (Yalkut Shimoni)

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Daf Yomi - Moed Katan 29 - Laws Regarding Burial and Mourning

Here is a compilation of halachos regarding the laws of burial and mourning by Rabbi Zalman Manela.

shemayisrael

Before the Burial
A. From the time of death until after the burial, the close relatives, which are the father, mother, son, daughter, husband, wife, brother and sister, are considered onenim, which means:
1. They should be involved in the burial preparations
2. They are to respect the deceased:
a. by not behaving in a light-headed manner
b. by not eating in the presence of the body
c. by not eating meat or drinking wine
3. They are exempt from mitzvos:
a. not to say berachos (even for eating, berachos are not required, but the hands are washed for bread without a beracha)
b. not to pray, or say Amen or put on tefillin
4. They may not bathe, teke haircuts, or do work, but they may wear shoes until the burial at the cemetery. They may also leave the house to take care of the needs of the deceased.
B. An autopsy is forbidden because the Torah considers it a defilement to the departed. In case one is requested by authorities to do so, you may call our number: (213) 653-8886.
C. The deceased may not be left alone. A person is therefore designated to serve as a shomer (watchman) in honor of the deceased. Since the watchman is exempt from mitzvos while on duty, it is helpful to appoint two watchmen so that they may relieve each other. (If there is no alternative, the watchman may leave for brief periods.) They may not study Torah, but they may say Tehillim (Psalms). They may not eat while on guard. (Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 195:11)
D. Beware of funeral homes that are ignorant of the Torah laws and Jewish traditional customs. Check with a competent Orthodox Rabbi or with a reliable friend for a reference to authentic Jewish services and proper pre-burial preparations for the deceased (taharah).

Burial Preparations
1. The shrouds for the deceased are to be made of inexpensive, nice, white material. Even for a wealthy person one may not use expensive shrouds.
2. If a male child, G-d forbid, died before being circumcised, a circumcision (without a blessing) is performed before burial. The child, whether male or female, is to be given a name before burial.
The Funeral
1. It is a mitzvah to escort the deceased to the cemetery.
2. One should walk along for at least a distance of 7-8 feet, (if he is unable to go to the cemetery).
3. It is important that at least a minyan of ten are present at the cemetery, so that there is a minyan for kaddish.
4. It is a great mitzvah to eulogize the deceased properly:
a. by raising the voice and saying things that will cause the people to be heartbroken and to weep
b. to mention the praises and good character traits of the deceased (without too much exaggeration, for that would be harmful to the speaker and to the deceased)
5. It is a mitzvah to cry and mourn upon the passing of a righteous observant person. Hashem counts and treasures the tears of weeping for a righteous person.
6. The primary objective of eulogy is to honor the deceased. We also speak about his parents and family. If the deceased left instructions that he prefers not to be eulogized, we omit the eulogy.
7. A male kohen may not enter a cemetery or be in the same room with a deceased who is not related to him.
However, he may attend to relatives whom he is obliged to mourn for, except not to attend a sister who has been married.
At the cemetery, a deceased kohen is buried near the cemetery gates so that the relatives do not defile themselves from other graves.
8. It is important that men and women do not mingle during the eulogies or funeral procession.
Honoring the Deceased
1. It is forbidden to delay a burial, for it is a disgrace to the deceased, and it may cause pain to the soul of the departed.
2. In urgent situations, if a short postponement will be a definite honor to the deceased, i.e. to prepare shrouds, coffin, etc., or so that people can attend the funeral, it is permissible. (We do not make a late Friday afternoon burial if it may lead to the desecration of Shabbos.) It is necessary to consul with a competent Orthodox Rabbi before delaying a burial. It is wrong to delay on account of extra fees to the gravediggers on a legal holiday.
3. For parents, it is proper to extend the eulogies in their honor.
4. It is proper that only Jews be involved in caring for and carrying the deceased.
5. If a person passes a funeral procession, he is obligated to join and escort the deceased for at least 7-8 feet.
6. One is obligated to even interrupt his Torah study in order to escort the deceased.
7. It is customary to recite Tehillim (Psalm) 91 during the funeral.
8. Some have a custom that women do not go to the cemetery.
Burial
1. It is a mitzvah to bury the deceased in the ground.
2. A wooden coffin is used but it is preferable to minimize the wood and even the shrouds, so that the deceased is closer to the ground.
3. The deceased is placed on his back as one who is sleeping.
4. We ask forgiveness from the deceased in case we did not show the proper respect.
5. It is customary not to hand the shovels from one person to another to show that we do not hand sadness to other people, but rather the shovel is put down and then taken from the ground.
6. One may not act in a light-headed manner in the cemetery, which includes:
a. not to eat or drink there (it is also improper to smoke at a cemetery. [Yalkut Yosef])
b. not to engage in business matters
c. not to take a shortcut through a cemetery
7. It is generally forbidden to reopen a burial plot after it has been closed.
After the Burial
1. At the conclusion of the burial, the seven-day mourning period begins.
2. If the deceased is being sent to another country, the mourning begins after taking leave of the deceased, except for those who are going along with the deceased.
3. At some point the mourners remove their shoes. Some have the custom to wait until coming home before removing their shoes. (Some say that those who do not remove their shoes until later should put some earth into their shoes.)
4. Tzidduk Hadin is recited, and the mourners then recite a kaddish prayer.
5. Upon leaving the cemetery, everyone should:
a. lift up some earth (to remind ourselves that we are compared to earth, and that our end is in the earth)
b. and some grass (to demonstrate that the dead will sprout back to life when the dead are resurrected [Techiyas Hameisim]), and throw it behind themselves
6. The hands have to be washed three times afterwards.One should not enter a private home before this hand washing. The cup should not be handed to one another-to show that we do not hand sadness over to another person, but rather it is placed on the ground with the opening turned downward to indicate that all life eventually comes to an end.
Tearing the Garments
1. Upon the passing of a close relative: a parent, child, brother, sister or spouse, the mourners are required to tear their garments.
2. The garments are torn:
a. while standing
b. beginning near the neck and torn downward through the rim of the garment (It is customary to have someone else begin the tear and then the mourner finishes the tear by hand.)
3. Torah law prescribes the limits and procedures for mourning. One may not do more or less than what the law requires. One may not tear his hair or flesh as a sign of mourning. "You are children of Hashem, do not cut your flesh on account of death." (Devarim 14) The Seforno explains that a Jew should realize that Hashem is our closest relative, and He is always with us. We may not, therefore, overreact with pain over the loss of a relative, for our closest relative, our dear Father in Heaven is always present.
4. The mourner may change to old garments before performing the mitzvah of tearing his garments.
5. The "tearing" may not be done on Shabbos or Yom Tov.
6. for parents, the children tear:
a. clothing that is commonly worn (shirt, dress, blouse, except for undershirts, coat or tzitzis. Women are to cover over the tear or pin it up or even stitch it up, soas not to expose themselves.)
b. on the left side towards the heart
c. by hand
d. in public
e. an obvious tear on the garments all the way down to the heart
f. If he changes clothes during the seven-day mourning period, he must also tear those clothes. It is improper to merely tear a ribbon or to wear a black ribbon instead of tearing one's garment.)
7. For other relatives (children, brothers, sisters or spouse):
a. the upper garment is torn for about 4 inches
b. on the right side
c. a hidden tear (under the coat) is sufficient
d. a knife or scissors may be used (for the entire tear)
e. If he changes clothes he does not have to tear them.
8. When a righteous person passes away, even non-relatives are obligated to cry and mourn for them.
9. It is customary to fulfill the mitzvah of "tearing" the clothes after the eulogies, or at the cemetery after the burial of the deceased. The blessing "the truthful judge" is said before the "tearing."
10. It is proper for men to assist men and for women to help women mourners tear their garments.

The First Meal
1. A mourner may not eat his first meal of his own food.
2. It is a mitzvah upon the friends and neighbors to provide the food for the first meal.
3. The meal consists of bread, hard boiled (peeled) eggs or cooked lentils as a symbol of mourning (eggs do not have an opening, to show that the mourner is unable to speak) and some wine. They may then continue with meat, wine, etc. (they should not drink a lot of wine).
4. It is very important to consider all of the possible needs of the mourners and try to be helpful. The needs include: Arranging the minyanim, preparing meals, contacting other potential visitors, caring for the house, caring for the children, etc...

Praying and Saying Kaddish
1. It is a mitzvah for prayer services to be held during the seven-day mourning period at the home of the deceased.
2. Tachanun is not said when praying at a house of mourning. Hallel is not said on Rosh Chodesh. On Chanukah, the non-mourners do say Hallel after leaving the house of mourning.
3. When a son leads the prayers in public during and after shiva and says kaddish for his parents, he is redeeming them from Gehenom. The Maariv prayer after Shabbos is especially significant because that is when the souls return to Gehenom after Shabbos.
4. A mourner does not lead the prayers on Shabbos and Yom Tov, but he does say kaddish. In addition, being called up to the Torah for Maftir is also a benefit to the deceased.
5. Kaddish is said for 11 months after the passing of the deceased and on the day of Yahrzeit.
6. If there are no sons to say kaddish, the family should pay someone to say at least one kaddish per day for this period.

Visiting the Mourners
1. It is a great mitzvah to visit a mourner, and it is considered a kindness to the relatives and to the deceased whose soul is also in mourning.
2. A visitor may not begin to speak but he should sit by silently until the mourner begins. (The mourner can begin by saying "Blessed is the Truthful Judge.") The mourner may not greet others by saying shalom; and he may not receive greetings from others.
3. The mourner sits up front on the ground.
4. The topic of conversation should be about the merits of the deceased, not topics that will distract from the loss, such as sports, clothing, business, parties, cars, etc.
5. The mourner should not say, "My punishments have not equalled my sins," indicating that he is deserving of more punishment. (Even if it is true, one should not voice such thoughts as it may bring on more suffering.)
6. One may not tell the mourner, "What can you do, it is impossible to change Hashem's decisions," but rather we say, "Whatever Hashem does if for the good, and He knows best. He knows what is really good, and we should accept his decree with love."
7. As soon as the mourner indicates that his visitors may leave, they should not delay. (Be considerate, do not overdo your visit or stay late.)
8. Upon leaving, one should say, "May Hashem comfort you among the other mourners of Tzion and Jerusalem."
9. It is customary to cover the mirrors in a house of mourning.
10. It is proper to have a minyan for prayer three times a day at the house of mourning. After the morning and afternoon prayers, an additional Psalm, chapter 49, is recited. It is also good for the others to learn mishnayos for the benefit of the neshamah of the deceased.

The First Three Days
1. For the first three days of mourning, it is a mitzvah to cry in mourning.
2. During this time, one should consider that he is required to improve his ways.
3. People may not greet or be greeted by a mourner. If they greet him in error, he should reply, "I am unable to return the greeting, for I am in mourning."
4. The "work prohibitions" during these days apply even if the mourners will suffer financial loss.

The Seven Days of Mourning
A mourner may not:
1. Work (for situations with partners, employees, etc. one should check with a competent Orthodox Rabbi before the burial takes place in order to make arrangements.)
a. Regular, necessay housework (House-cleaning, dishwashing...) and food preparation are permitted.
b. We are required to provide financial assistance to poor people, so that they can afford to take off from work during shiva (seven days of initial mourning).
2. Mourners may not wash or bathe except for the face, hands and feet with cool water (using cosmetics in also included in this prohibition).
a. If the person needs to bathe to remove dirt (not for included in this prohibition).
b. A woman of marriageable age (or a bride) may beautify herself even during the seven-day period.
3. They may not wear leather shoes.
4. They may not have intimate relations (not even on Shabbos).
5. They may not stucly Torah (because it causes happiness). A mourner may study Iyov, Kinos, the sad portions of Yermiyahu and the laws of mourning. He may not study other sciences or read things (i.e. newspapers) that will take his mind away from his mourning. (Aruch Hashulchan) He may study works of Mussar. (Sdei Chemed, Aveilus 25)
6. They may not greet others. If someone does greet a mourner after the first three days, he may respond in a low voice.
7. They may not wash or clean clothing or change into clean clothing.
8. They may not speak excessively nor engage in laughter and rejoicing as it says: "May they remain silent." This prohibition is understood from the fact that they may not even say "Shalom" to others.
A mourner may also not hold a child in his lap or engage in similar activities that may lead to laughter. (Rambam, Aveilus 5:20)
9. He may not shave or take a haircut (hair combing is permitted).
10. He may not cut his nails with a utensil but he is allowed to bite or pull them off.
11. He may not sit on a seat. One who is ill or in an unusual situation should consult a competent Orthodox Rabbi for exceptions to the above.
12. A mourner may not go out of his house during the first week. However, he may leave the house to sleep elsewhere in the evenings if there is a need for it.
13. On the seventh day, after the morning-visitors leave(or after the time they would normally leave), the seven-day period is over. It is customary for some friends to assist the mourners in rising from the floor.

On Friday
1. The mourners stop their mourning to allow themselves time to prepare for Shabbos according to their needs.
a. they may change their clothes
b. even to put on Shabbos clothes
2. They may put on their shoes and rise from sitting on the floor as close to Shabbos as possible.

Shabbos and Yom Tov
1. Shabbos is counted as one of the seven days, although obvious demonstrations of mourning are forbidden.
2. On Shabbos, marital relations, washing, and Torah study are forbidden, because these activities are not obvious to others.
3. He may greet others on Shabbos and say "Gut Shabbos." <>

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Daf Yomi - Moed Katan 25 - POSITIONING RAV HUNA'S COFFIN UPRIGHT

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POSITIONING RAV HUNA'S COFFIN UPRIGHT
QUESTION:

The Gemara describes how Rav Chaga brought Rav Huna's coffin into the burial cave in which Rebbi Chiya and his sons, Yehudah and Chizkiyah, were buried. When Chizkiyah arose to make room for Rav Huna, a terrifying pillar of fire appeared. Rav Chaga, in his fright, erected the coffin of Rav Huna in an upright position and fled the burial cave. The Gemara adds that "the reason why he was not punished was because he positioned the coffin of Rav Huna in an upright position."

What does the Gemara mean when it says that Rav Chaga was not punished for this reason? On the contrary, he should have been punished for placing Rav Huna's coffin in such a disrespectful position. (Leaving the deceased in an upright position is disrespectful to the deceased, as the Gemara says in Bava Basra 101b.)

ANSWERS:
(a) RASHI here (and RASHI KESAV YAD) implies that Rav Chaga stood up Rav Huna's coffin in front of him so that the pillar of fire would not harm him. However, to protect oneself with the coffin of the deceased is also disrespectful. Why did it serve to protect him?

The BEN YEHOYADA explains that Rav Chaga did not attempt to shield himself with Rav Huna's coffin against the pillar of fire. Rather, Rav Chaga did not want to gaze at the pillar of fire. Gazing at the pillar of fire would have been disrespectful because the pillar of fire represented the glory of Hashem (see Chagigah 16a). His act of standing up Rav Huna's coffin was not an act of self-protection, but an act done out of honor for Hashem and for the deceased.

(b) RAV NISAN ZAKS in his notes to the PERUSH RABEINU GERSHOM ME'OR HA'GOLAH explains that Rav Chaga's action was not an attempt to protect himself from the fire. Rather, his intention was to protect the coffin of Rav Huna from the fire by standing it upright. When Rashi says that "he stood up the coffin before the pillar of fire so that it should not harm him," he means so that it should not harm Rav Huna.

(c) The Girsa of RABEINU CHANANEL differs slightly from the Girsa in our text. According to his Girsa, the Gemara cryptically says that "the reason why the members of the household of the Reish Galusa (d'Vei Reish Galusa) were not punished was because he stood up the coffin of Rav Huna in an upright position." This is also the Girsa of RABEINU TAM in SEFER HA'YASHAR (#513) and PERUSH RABEINU SHLOMO BEN HA'YASOM and other Rishonim. The DIKDUKEI SOFRIM (in Hagahos) writes that he does not know what the Gemara means according to this Girsa.

Perhaps the Gemara according to this Girsa means as follows. The disgrace shown to Rav Huna in his burial (by being interred vertically) served as an atonement not only for him but also for his descendants who comprised the family of the Reish Galusa (as Tosfos points out, Rabeinu Chananel maintains that "Rav Huna" here refers to Rav Huna the Reish Galusa). Accordingly, the meaning of the Gemara is clear when it says, "The reason why the members of the household of the Reish Galusa were not punished was because he stood up the coffin of Rav Huna in an upright position."

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Daf Yomi - Moed Katan 23 - Simcha on Shabbos

Tosfos states that on Shabbos, the laws of mourning can apply because Scripture does not write regarding Shabbos that it is a day of simcha, happiness and therefore mourning will not be in direct contrast to the Shabbos. There is an obligation to rejoice on a festival and that is why the laws of mourning do not apply then.

Tosfos in Kesuvos (7b) writes that one should enhance the Shabbos with rejoicing and feasting. This would indicate that there is an obligation of simcha on Shabbos.

The Nimukei Yosef (19a) states explicitly that there is an obligation for oneg, pleasure on Shabbos but not simcha. The Gemora Shabbos (62b) states that there is a clear distinction between oneg and simcha.

The Sifri in Parshas Bahaloscha expounds on the verse U’veyom simchaschem, this is referring to Shabbos. The Zohar constantly refers to Shabbos as a yuma d’chedvasa, a day of happiness. The Taz (O”C 688:8) cites a Yerushalmi that one has an obligation to conduct himself with simcha on Shabbos.

The Toras Chaim (at the end of Chulin) concludes that there is no obligation to be b’simcha physically on Shabbos (such as eating and drinking), but there is an obligation for a spiritual simcha. The Sefer Chasidim writes that this can be accomplished through the studying of Torah as it is written Pikudei Hashem yeshrim mesamchei leiv.

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Daf Yomi - Moed Katan 22 - GROWING HAIR FOR THREE MONTHS

The Gemora states: If one is mourning for a parent, he should not take a haircut until his friends criticize him on account of his long hair.

The Rama (O”C 390:4) cites that there is a dispute among the poskim as to how long a mourner should wait until he takes a haircut. The custom is to wait three months.

Reb Moshe Feinstein (Igros Moshe Y”D 3:156) explains: Even though it would seem from the Gemora that the mourner must wait until his friends criticize him on the account of his long hair, this is just an indicator as to how long he should let his hair grow.

If his friends criticize him before three months, he may take a haircut then. (The Mishna Berura and Kitzur Shulchan Aruch agree to this ruling of Reb Moshe. There are those that argue.)

Maharam Schick (371) writes: The three months do not commence at the time of death, rather, it begins from his last haircut. He explains: The three months of growing his hair is not a measurement of mourning, rather it is an indicator to the length of his hair.

He concludes that the poskim do not specifically say this and therefore he cannot rule leniently in this matter unless there are other reasons to combine with this one.

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Daf Yomi - Moed Katan 21 - A MOURNER STUDYING TORAH

The Gemora states that a mourner is forbidden from studying Torah. Rashi explains: The studying of Torah makes one happy and a mourner is required to be in a state of anguish.

The Ramban asks: Doesn’t every person have an obligation to learn everyday? He answers: One can fulfill this mitzva with the recital of krias shema in the morning and in the evening. .

The Ritva is uncertain whether a mourner is permitted to learn those topics (Iyuv, certain parts of Yirmiyah) that one is allowed to learn on Tisha b’Av. He cites from Rabbeinu Yitzchak that he is permitted. Tosfos HaRosh writes that it is customary for a mourner to study Moed Katan where it discusses the laws regarding a mourner.

The Meiri cites an opinion that a mourner is forbidden from studying any Torah since he is required to remain silent and it is not dependant on learning which results in joy to the heart. He adds that it is also permitted for a mourner to glance at seforim which lead a person to repentance.


The Chacham Tzvi rules that if someone is accustomed to reciting Mishnayos by heart and he is concerned that he will forget them if he interrupts this learning, he may continue to do so.

The Aruch Hashulchan cites a Yerushalmi: If someone is literally sick without studying Torah, he is permitted to learn. He concludes: the poskim do not bring this down because it is highly unlikely in our generations. The Rogatchover Gaon applied to himself.

It is said that the Chasam Sofer wrote his teshuvos regarding mourning while sitting shiva for his mother.

Chazal say that Esau was waiting for Yitzchak to die until he would kill Yaakov. The Keli Yakar explains: Esau understood that Yaakov will be protected by the studying of Torah; once Yitzchak dies, Yaakov will be mourning and will be forbidden to learn and this would be the opportunity he was anxiously awaiting for.

The Beis Yisroel asks: Couldn’t Yaakov be protected with the learning of the topics that are permitted to learn? He answers: It is the joy from the learning that protects a person and a mourner doesn’t have that joy.

[Once again, thanks to Hagaos Yosef Anonymous for his Daf blurbs.]

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Daf Yomi - Moed Katan 20 - SOURCE FOR THE LAWS REGARDING MOURNING

The Gemora cites a Scriptural source establishing that the primary period of mourning is for seven days.

Tosfos asks: Why didn’t the Gemora cite the verse where Yosef mourned for his father Yaakov in Breishis [50:10]: And he made for his father a mourning of seven days?

Tosfos answers: That verse is referring to the period of mourning prior to the burial.

It is noteworthy that the Ibn Ezra on that verse comments that the mourning mentioned here is referring to the period after the burial. Rabbi Aharon Levine in his sefer Hadrash V’haeyun wonders why the Ibn Ezra explained the verse in that manner, when it is evident that our Gemora does not learn that way. The Rif (Brochos) does derive the laws of mourning from Yaakov.

Tosfos cites a Yerushalmi that answers differently: We cannot derive the laws of mourning from the death of Yaakov because that was prior to the giving of the Torah.

This seems a bit perplexing because there are many halachos (time for the Minchah prayer) that are derived from verses in the Torah even though the incidents transpired prior to the giving of the Torah?

The Chasam Sofer answers: It is written regarding the laws of mourning ‘Banim atem,’ You are My children. When did Klal Yisroel get the status of being children of Hashem? After receiving the Torah. It is for this reason that the laws of mourning must be derived from a verse which occurred after the Torah was given.

Rav Elyashiv answers: While it is true that we could have learned many of the laws of mourning from Yaakov and Yosef, there are some laws that we would be incapable of deriving from there. A mourner cannot study Torah, nor can he don tefillin on the first day and before the burial he cannot perform any mitzvos. If the source of the laws of mourning would be from Yaakov and Yosef, we would say that those laws were included in the mourning period for the mourners who did not have these obligations (the Patriarchs before the Torah was given); however we, who have an obligation to study Torah, don tefillin and perform mitzvos, cannot be subject to these prohibitions. It was for this reason that the Gemora found the source for the laws of mourning from a verse in Amus, after the Torah was given.

[Once again, my anonymous friend pointed me in the right direction.]

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Daf Yomi - Moed Katan 15 - A Mourner's Void

The Gemora states: A mourner is not permitted to send his sacrifices to the Beis Hamikdosh through an agent. The Gemora cites a braisa: Rabbi Shimon said: It is written [Vayikra 3:1]: And if a sacrifice of a shelamim is his offering; the word shelamim meaning whole indicates that a person can only offer a korban if he is whole and not when he is an onein (one whose close relative passed away and has not been buried yet – the halacha of bringing a korban applies to a regular mourner as well).

The Sheim Mishmuel comments: It is evident from this Gemora that a mourner is considered “incomplete” in his ability to serve Hashem properly; he lacks perfection of the soul.

The Torah did not command a mourner to conduct the halachos of mourning as a punishment, but rather as a remedy; not only for the deceased but also for himself. When a person is incomplete, he is in grave danger of becoming complete through the powers of the Evil Inclination. When sanctity departs from a person, the Evil Inclination (Sitra Acher) desperately strives to replenish that void and reside in that area. The Torah decrees that a mourner will remain in a state of incompleteness in order to ensure that the Evil Inclination does not take up residence in the location of the mourner’s incompleteness.

With this understanding, he explains why it is found that Shulchan Aruch is lenient in many areas of the halachos of a mourner. The Poskim from the later generations have even been more lenient than their predecessors. Why is this? It is because the reason that the mourner should conduct himself with all the halachos of mourning is to ensure that he remains incomplete in a manner that the Evil Inclination will not replace that emptiness. The Chachamim of every generation have weakened the strength of the Evil Inclination and therefore they felt that they can be more lenient regarding the halachos of a mourner.

An important lesson can be learned from here: A person should be extremely careful not to become depressed or sad because that creates a vacuum in which the Evil Inclination can enter, and he can become entrapped in a way that it will be extremely difficult to escape from. This is why the Torah commands that one should attempt to always serve Hashem through happiness and content.

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